I cannot emphasize this enough: if you want to find love you need to start by creating a vision of what you want in a relationship.
No matter where you are on your journey:
- Feeling stuck in a relationship that doesn’t satisfy you,
- Getting over a painful breakup,
- Immersed in the routine of your single life and not seeing a possibility of change,
- Actively looking for your soulmate;
if you don’t have a clear vision of what it is you are looking for, you are likely to keep repeating the same pattern.
It’s very simple: in order to achieve what you want you have to know very clearly WHAT it is and WHY you want it. However, many people never give these questions enough attention and here is why.
It seems kind of obvious: doesn’t everyone want their partner to be loving, kind, compassionate, supportive, and all that good stuff…? And what about the WHY question?
“Because I want to get out of pain and loneliness, because I want to be loved and cared for.”
We are too busy to dwell on obvious things. Instead we let ourselves get swallowed by anxiety and despair because we are not getting what we want. Or better yet, block the issue and busy ourselves with work and social life.
Humor me please. Just sit down, give yourself an hour of time and create a very detailed answer on these two questions:
1. What kind of partner/relationship do I want?
2. Why do I want it?
Here are some tips.
First Question: WHAT KIND?
Here you need to be careful. By a detailed answer, I don’t mean “give a lot of unnecessary details about your ideal partner”, but rather “write your heart out about the essence of what you really want and need.” Don’t get adamant about him having blue eyes, but rather listen to your soul’s deepest yearning and write about that. The deeper you go and the better you can flash out the essence of your desire — the better choices you will make in order to attract the right person into your life.
Second Question: WHY?
Obvious as it seems, this powerful question is the fuel behind our actions. Create a vivid picture of all the positive changes that this great relationship will bring into your life. Spend some time describing how you will change, who you will become.
It’s important that all your statements are written in a positive form. Don’t write “I don’t want to be lonely any more”, but rather “I feel loved and supported.”
Fill yourself with this new reality — live it, breathe it, nurture it. Make sure it’s not tinted with feelings of doubt and desperation.
You may soon start noticing that you are unconsciously moving towards it. You may meet new people that are different from the type you usually meet. You may be drawn to join a community or an activity club that is more consistent with the reality that you created inside yourself.
As you keep focusing on this new inside reality, you will start noticing flickers of it on the outside: you just had a conversation with a stranger and you had this unusual warm feeling towards that person; or you met someone online and the two of you had an amazing connection…
Enjoy these moments. They are early messengers that the fulfillment of your desire is on its way to you. These moments will strengthen your confidence and propel you further on your journey to meeting your soulmate. Notice them. Celebrate them. Extend your gratitude.
But what if it’s just… not happening? Or not going any further than the sporadic flickers of fire?
If it’s not happening, there are reasons for that. Very clear reasons that we’ll explore in our next article. Not to worry, whatever is blocking your desire, can be dissolved. It takes honesty, persistence and willingness to change.
… And faith. Faith in success.
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