This is a common concern in our society for single people of any age; how to make contact with someone that we like on a soft matter without being forward. The truth of the matter is that we have the opportunity to meet that special person everyday; at the bus station, at the grocery store, at church, at a class, at the gym, at the coffee shop, at the library.
1. Eye contact
There has to be a little game of eye contact. He looks at you. You look at him. You look away. You look again. He looks at you again. You smile. He smiles back. And so on…
And Men, you keep your eyes on her until she looks back…. and maybe, smiles. Then, approach her and introduce conversation. The easiest way is to say :” Hi! My name is _______. What is yours?” And say something nice about her. Something about her hair, something about the color that she is wearing, or the make up. Whatever you find nice and femine about her appearance.
Later on, VERY IMPORTANT, say something nice about HER personality. Not on a physical level, but on a mental level. Is she intelligent? Did you notice that she is sweet? Did you notice that she how strong her values are? Do like that? Well then, go ahead and say it. The impact is worth the effort
2. Smile. It’s the most simple way to have eye contact softly.
Not many people do this and this transforms that way we are perceived. I saw once on t.v. a report on some kind of monkey in the african jungle; two males were fighting to get a female and to stop the fight, one had to show his teeth to the other one. For us human, smiling can have an emotional impact that could lead to dramatic effects on our lives.
Exercice: Smile to at least 5 strangers everyday, even if the person is not attractive to you. Be careful not to look as if you were “simple of mind”. Just like a glance, a brief smile by looking in the eye and let go.
Try to get the habit, you will be surprise of the impact that you will have on other. Smiling is inviting and soon enough, it will become a reflex that could let you go far. I know one co-worker got a promotion because the upper management tought he was a candidate with the skills to do the job but also because he seemed like someone with whom it is easy to get along with.
3. Introduce conversation. The easiest way to introduce a conversation is to ask a question. Then, follow it with a short amusing story about the situation. For example, if you are at the grocery store and you see that cute girl near the peas section, excuse yourself and ask her what she would recommend. After she has answered, follow by a joke you have seen on TV or something that happened to you about peas when you were younger. Laughing or make a person laugh is a quality that you have to develop.
One important thing; don’t think of the rejection; it will paralyze you. If they decline, say to yourself that there must be a good reason – they are already in a relationship or not ready to get involved yet, etc..- Move on to the next one. Very important. Don’t let one or two declines prevent you from meeting that special person. If you don’t take charge of your love life, who will?
4. Then you can pass on to the next step: You give your phone number or ask for it. Simply.
That is the lowest pressure invitation because it leaves the decision to the other person to call you. Or not. That way, no one is getting hurt. You can meet tons of people that way and be a “hot commodity”. The more you will have dates, chances are that you will feel better about yourself and you will become more attractive to the eyes of the others.
Say something like ” You seem like a fun person and I would like to see you again for coffee. I don’t have much time right now so I am leaving you my phone number and call me next week and we will arrange for meeting. It was nice meeting you”
You can invite that person early in the conversation and let that person decide if they will call you. No pressure for anyone. Imagine if you do that to 3 people per week, chances are that you will have a busy dating life. You will make all of your unhappy married friends envious.
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