Today is your first day to singlehood again. What now? Deal with basics first before you move on to the bigger picture. Why does divorce hurt? The relationship was broken anyway so, why is this whole divorce scarring you? A break up or divorce hurts not just because it’s a tiring process of ending a once beautiful thing but it hurts because it is accompanied by ending a future you planned together, your aspirations, your goals. No matter how beautiful they were or how enthusiastically they were formed, you will no longer achieve them together. However, they are still goals and together or not, you can still allow for them to meet fruition.
Moving on after a divorce is never easy and there’s no simple route to take. After all, at some point in your life, this is the person you vowed to spend the rest of your life with that you’re now trying to move on from. Whatever the reason for the divorce, any sort of break up can leave a person in a condition where at some point it feels like it’s the end of the world and a lot out there have suffered from fear of being committed to another. It’s expected to feel that way but more importantly, it is better that you give yourself another chance after divorce. You always have an option – live the present and the future with your past or be content and happy living a life you’ve always wanted.
Keep in mind:
1. If you need to cry, do it. Give yourself the time to let everything out. By doing this, you allow yourself to rid your mind of all the excess baggage. Crying over the divorce won’t get you back together nor fix the broken relationship, but it can sure ease the burden. It’s okay to cry your heart out but always remember to never cry like a person without hope and just know when to stop and pick yourself up again.
2. Don’t force yourself to date. A lot of people coming out of a divorce rush into the moving on phase by jumping right into the dating scene which is one of the most common mistakes they make thinking it’s best to forget about someone by replacing them. There are perks to being single just in case you’ve forgotten. Enjoy that time and make use of it to find your identity again. Divorce is not only a tiring process but so many people going through it most of the time find themselves losing their identity in the process. You don’t have to start dating again if you don’t feel like it. Let things come naturally, take life a day at a time and allow yourself to trust again.
3. Self isolating will not do you any good. Surround yourself with the people you love. You need them as much as they need you.
4. Let go. This is the most painful part of transitioning into a once married and set for life person to being single and searching again. It’s the process of accepting the reality, no matter how hurtful it can be. It’s over. Don’t shrug it off. Accept it and let everything fall into place.
5. Learn from it. What went wrong? How did things fall apart? Going back can be painful, but knowing where things went awry can prevent future problems.
6. Stay on the positive side. Pessimists would perceive a mistake as a failure while optimists would take it as a lesson learned. It’s up to you whether you want to benefit from that mistake or you want to lead your life thinking “I’m never going to trust anyone again.” or “I will not invest too much trust in another relationship.” because in the end, being happy all depends on yourself.
After divorce is as much as a painful process as you were going through it. Give yourself time to heal and allow yourself to set new goals. There is always hope so stay optimistic and keep focus.
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