The majority of people would probably agree that, to establish a strong loving relationship, we need to establish a strong foundation of trust. The absence of honesty will destroy the feeling of trust more than anything else.
If you have decided to love somebody and to be with that person for the rest of your life, you need to know the best thing to do when there is a problem. You need to be calm and talk openly about your feelings and how you feel about the situation. Of course you also need to listen openly to what he or she has to say.
The ideal relationship exists when the two of you are free to deeply understand the other.
Nothing destroys a relationship more than lying. Sometimes it seems easier to lie about something like a scratch on the car or an item of clothing you have bought but even these have only negative outcomes.
Mark Twain said, “If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” If you tell a lie you have to remember what it was you said and this just magnifies the stress, both to you and on the relationship itself.
Of course it is inevitable you will get found out and when it happens the trust in a relationship will be gone and it will be that much more difficult to rebuild trust in a relationship. The thought will enter your partners mind that you might have lied about other things too. There is always the chance that the truth does not come out but even then just the knowledge you lied at all can ruin a relationship.
It seems to be a feature of human nature that any gap in knowledge will be filled by uncertainly and negativity. If you went out one evening and you told your partner you were with a friend, for example, but perhaps the same friend rang up and said he (or she) had not seen you for weeks, one of the first thoughts would be about infidelity.
Lies can be even more destructive if the relationship is in difficulty. Some time ago I had a very honest relationship with a woman and the communication between us was very good. Suddenly she stopped telling me things about her life, it all deteriorated and the relationship collapsed. The reasons she gave me had absolutely nothing to do with another person yet I found out some time after she had indeed found somebody else. It is possible she might one day want to try again but as she had lied previously, would I be able to trust her again?
One of the many benefits you get from a secure relationship is the ability to have open and frank discussions. These shared thoughts and opinions help two people consolidate as a team.
Mind you, if she is wearing a dress that makes her look like an elephant or she has legs like tree trunks, discretion might be a better, and safer, policy than complete candour.
In all other case, it really is better to be honest.
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