So often what is keeping you from meeting “The One” is that mental list you are carrying around with you, that one you pull out every time you meet someone new, while there are certain things that are perfectly acceptable to place on your list…there might be somethings that are keeping you from meeting a quality man or woman.
Tonight I had dinner with an old friend from San Francisco where I was born and raised. We have literally know each other since middle school, but as we grew older, we saw each other less and less, by the time we reached our twenties, we only see each other every three or four years. The last time I saw her, we were both in our mid twenties.
Our topic of conversation unlike ever before centered mostly on dating, and most importantly that big 3-0 that we will both be hitting in a few years time. As we ate dinner, she went over her many dating woes, mostly steaming from a one date after another from sites like OKcupid.com, Match.com, and Plenty Of Fish.She told me she can not even find ONE normal guy on ANY dating site, and yet continues to search in vain.
She, like many women in the US, have one goal. To be married by 30, as if after 3-0 comes around you expire and suddenly become some old haggard at lady who alone and screams random obscenities at the passers-by. Well…I don’t think it’s THAT bad…but I can see where women really see the pressure.
In LA, people tend to work on their own time schedule that seems to be different from most cities in the country, of all of my friends, I am the only one is has any kind of serious long-term relationships. LA is a city of commitment phobes and flakes where dating can be very hard, just meeting someone NORMAL who is not totally consumed by the own life is a challenge.
Most of my friends are twenty and thirty some singletons who nod their head and say how nice it would be to get married, but they can’t seem to get around to finding a boyfriend…or even anyone steady to go on a date with.
I am a rarity. As a woman ( forget that I am a matchmaker for a moment) I am someone who does not fall in love often, but when it happens, it REALLY happens. When it happens that person becomes my best friend, and he lights me up inside, and I stick around…for the LONG haul.
And I have noticed things that I am doing differently then my friends, things that I wanted to share with the single people reading this blog to help you meet that person if you are in a big city like my single friends.
One thing that many of my friend have is a list…you know that list in your head of what the person can and can not have, I hear them every day from my clients…somethings are reasonable…like the person has to be a certain age, have a job, be sane…you know those sort of things…
And then the sort of unreasonable things…such as, I have used to have a friend who would only date men who made over $300,000 a year…or a friend who would only date lawyers of plastic surgeons…both of these women are by the way…both single.
The thing with lists is, the more you put on your list, the more men or women you cross off, the more you close the door on before you even get to know them. My single friends tell me how “oh so picky” they are, they go on tons of dates and no one is ever right for them…which is precisely why they are single.
I used to have my lists as well, but the moment I lost them was the moment that my heart started looking not at a list, but at the man in front of me and seeing him for who he was, and not how many things I could check off on the list.
The other thing I tell my friends is don’t be so dependent on dating sites, as a upscale matchmaker and a matchmaker in Los Angeles. I think it’s actually one of my least recommended of places to meet someone, the best way to meet someone being, have someone you know and trust (or a matchmaker like me) fix you up with someone, or dating with in you same social circle, date people who your friends and family know. If you friends don’t know any single people, get out and go to events, to professional networking parties…anywhere… To me, dating sites should be your last resort, your supplement to everything else.
So are you singletons out there, get out there, and meet people, and when you do, see them for who they are and loose that list.