I received and email from a woman not too long ago about her relationship. It really was great except for one thing. They had been dating for 3 years with no plans for the future. She was ready to throw in the towel. She had resigned herself to the fact that he was a commitment phobic man and would never marry. She was getting the feeling she was wasting her time.
The fact is, almost all men do want a loving relationship. Even the commitment phobic. After talking with this woman it was obvious the man cared and loved her, but he wasn’t ready nor saw any reason to commit. It’s not broken, why fix it attitude. Many commitment phobic men have this attitude.
She had tried everything. She gave more love, more affection, more attention. He didn’t seem to notice or appreciate her efforts. She was becoming resentful. I pointed out to her that if it wasn’t working, why keep doing the same thing. We all know that insanity definition.
She didn’t dump him, but she put some serious distance between them. She started building her life and even opened her eyes to other men, even though she wasn’t dating. Gradually she went from him being the center of her universe, to placing herself as the center. At first since it was gradual, he didn’t really notice.
One Saturday night which was always their date night she turned him down for a sleep over with some old girlfriends she had lost touch with. She didn’t call him at all that night, she was having fun. Next morning she got a call from him which was unusual. Seems she had his attention. She mostly started pulling away from him slowly.
She didn’t stop there. She kept building her life. She even declined a date so she could color her hair one night instead. Imagine being rejected for Lady Clairol. Something happened in this man’s mind. He started thinking maybe he wasn’t all that important to him. He felt her slipping away. All of a sudden she was a challenge. She was interesting again and his spark rekindled. Suddenly this commitment phobic man was now her adoring man.