They say that you’ll know when you’ve met the right one. Chances are that you’ll know that he or she is someone you hope to settle down with long before there is ever a ring in site, but before getting too far ahead of yourself there are a few questions to ask a future spouse that can give you a good glimpse of things to come so that you know what you’re getting into.
You may think that you know all there is to know about your future spouse and he or she may seem like the perfect fit, but the marriage and day-to-day life together has a tendency of bringing out other sides of people that you may not have had the chance to see before hand. I’m not talking about a Jekyll and Hyde situation, but simply some habits and beliefs that may not seem all that important when you’re just dating but could pose problems later on. Things like money, religion and family all have a way of creeping in between a couple and causing problems, so talking about these sorts of things before a marriage is extremely important so you both know where you stand on some potentially major issues.
Before getting into the specific questions to ask a future spouse, let’s talk about how to ask them. Since some of these topics may strike a cord and be touchy for some, you need to approach them as gently as possible. There is no need to put the pressure on and imply that the answers will somehow make or break the relationship. You simply want to have a free and open conversation about some things that you’re wondering about. The last thing you want is for them to feel as if they’re being interrogated or judged. Something else that you must do is keep an open mind. This is easier said than done when the love of your life throws you for a loop with an answer you weren’t expecting! Be calm, rational and understanding while you listen to their answers. Give them the chance to speak freely and resist the urge to put down or argue about the answers they give. Ultimately your goal is to get answers to the questions that will give you the best possible insight into your life with your new partner.
The 3 Most Important Questions to Ask BEFORE You Get Married
1. Do you want to have children?
Whether you want them or not, it’s important that you both are completely clear on where you stand about the children issue long before saying ‘I do’. This is a deal breaker because becoming a parent isn’t something that one should have to forgo or sacrifice for someone else. Both parties have to be in agreement about an issue this important in order for a marriage to work.
2. Have you ever cheated on anyone?
Don’t just assume that if they haven’t already told you then it’s because they’ve never been unfaithful in a relationship. If they answer yes to this question then you owe it to yourself to really try to understand why they were unfaithful and whether or not it’s something that you’re comfortable knowing as you commit to a lifetime with this person. Ask about the issues that may have led to them being unfaithful. Ask whether or not it was a one night stand or an all out emotional affair because it will help you to know if there were serious issues that led them astray or if they were simply just disrespectful of the relationship and other person. Use this information to help you figure out if they seem likely to do it again. Remember also that it has been shown that most people who have cheated do go on to do it again.
3. Ideally, how do you think finances should be handled in a marriage?
Money issues remain one of the leading causes of divorce so knowing in advance how you both will handle the finances is a definite must in order to keep the peace. This doesn’t mean that you’re doomed if one is a spender and the other is a penny pincher, but you do need to work out an arrangement that you’re both comfortable with when it comes to finances. This is also when you’ll find out whether or not your future spouse is old fashioned in their way of thinking in regards to who should be the bread winner which is also a potential source of trouble.