“Your actions speak so loudly I can hardly hear what you say!” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Body Language – The Key to Reading People
Body language, such as non-verbal gestures, postures and expressions, is a subject you have heard about but you probably do not use. It is still as valid as ever and can definitely give you an advantage in the dating game.
You communicate much more non-verbally than verbally. Women are more expressive in body language and better at reading it. However men can learn and develop these skills.
There is a great deal of very deep analysis of body language in all sorts of social situations and a great many books. For your use however, there are two aspects that you need to concentrate on –
- Observing women’s body language so when you see ten women in a bar you can tell which one is eager to meet you, and
- Reinforcing your own body language messages to ensure that you are welcoming, open and congruent, so your physiology matches what you are saying.
Body language can help you be more successful in dating. Women are often only being friendly not initiating an approach – if there is no invite then rejection is inevitable. Hence you can improve the odds by working out which women are open to being approached. Learn how to read women’s body language so you know when you’re in with a chance and can press on with confidence, or when you are wasting your time and should cut your losses and run.
Body language is fascinating to watch and study. Understanding the signals and messages your body is sending out and reading the signals others are sending you is one of the most useful dating skills to master.
Body Language Basics
You need to think about your and her body signals. Concentrate on her; observe her – her appearance, her personality, her connection.
It is said the eyes are the window to the soul. This works both ways – your eyes reflect your innermost thoughts, her eyes indicate what she’s thinking. You communicate more with your eyes than any other body part – it is impossible to flirt without making eye contact.
Your hands send powerful messages. Are they open or closed, apart or touching, in our pockets or waving wildly around? Open hand gestures indicate openness, genuineness and friendliness.
Your posture can signal a wide range of messages to whoever cares to look. It can indicate your interest or otherwise, whether you feel defensive or open and whether you really want to be there. All these are valuable signals being given to you in your quest for a date.
Her Body Language
The most important point to remember when trying to read her body language is that you can’t determine what she is feeling by observing just one body language sign. You need to look for groups of behaviour signs. Folded arms might mean she is putting up a barrier. Alternatively it might be that she is cold, she has spilt something down her blouse and is attempting to cover it up or it’s just the way she always sits. In addition it is not how she looks which is important but more often it is the change in body language that is most telling. If she goes from leaning forward, gazing into your eyes and smiling to leaning back, arms folded, frowning and avoiding eye contact then she has changed her mood and it is up to you to understand why and react.
Is She Interested in You?
There are two stages in using body language to improve your odds of success. Firstly you need to identify which women in a situation are on the look out for a man. Next you need to interpret signals directly sent to you. In a social situation to determine which women you have a chance with first of all observe how they are behaving. Are they looking around, checking out the men, scanning the surroundings? If so this is an indication they are available and looking. There are a number of key signals that may indicate she is interested in you and in any advances you might make. The key to improving your success is learning to read these signals. The way she looks at you, stands, smiles or grimaces. Learn to read her like a book then act when you see a green light.
Your Body Language
The points above apply equally well to you. Be aware of the messages each part of your body and posture are giving out. In addition the key area to work on is your physiology as you approach people. The basic rule is to maintain eye contact, smile and appear friendly. Eye contact can be deemed aggressive, particularly if you maintain an unwavering stare! So when you are working out if a woman is interested just hold the gaze for a second or two longer than you normally would. Don’t stare without blinking – she will think you are a lunatic and don’t grimace – you will look as though you are in pain! If you get a response, act immediately. If you don’t she knows you are nervous and all is lost!
“It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings” (Dale Carnegie)