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First then marriage…then comes marriage…And maybe marriage again…All about serial marriers and how to avoid them.

 

In our society, and in my practice as a matchmaker in general, I hear a lot of complaints from both men and women that they can never find someone to commit. The complaint is that no one they met ever wants to settle down.

And it’s great when I can finally introduce them to someone who does, but what about when you meet someone who wants to commit way to fast? While thing kind of fast romance might be attractive to someone itching to settle down, be careful because this type of whirlwind romance is not the fairytale it’s cracked up to be and could potentially lead to major problems and heart break.

So, what should you be on the look out when it comes to folks who commit too quickly?

Serial marriers are people that first and foremost like to be in love, they like the beginning stages of love when it is new and fresh, full of happy endorphines and no problems. These men and women fall in love quickly and tend to run when problems rear their heads. These people make the art of rebounding an art form. Often once their first marriage is over, they are married very shortly after, maybe they even start dating before the divorce is final or maybe even before they have even started divorce proceedings.

These folks will stay for as long as that fresh and beautiful feeling lasts, but when there are real problems to work out, they would walk out the door then into counseling. Marriage is not the only thing they might walk out on, the same man or women who has walked out on your marriage has problem walked out on jobs, debts and other obligations such as child support.  They are might indulge in over spending, alcoholism or other addictions.

These folks might very well be charming ( they are often are) smart, and good looking, they are also often usually well-dressed, fit, and well put together,  but beneath hides an entitled and selfish person who does not understand truly what marriage is. They love being in a relationship with a man or woman or showers them with attention and takes care of them, but someone starts expecting that they be taken care of or that they might be doing something wrong, they will run before they admit they have done anything wrong or their spouse will walk out on them.

So how to avoid getting caught up with a serial marrier?

First off, take time to get to know the person you are dating. As a matchmaker, I recommend dating at least a year before getting engaged.

Second, take careful stock of your partner’s marriage history. Being married before is not a bad thing, many marriages in our society end, but make sure to look at how long that marriage lasted and why it ended, also it is good to know if your partner has been in any long term relationships prior to his or her marriage. Usually people are in several before they marry for the first time.

And the third is quite obvious, be very careful of someone who has been married more then once before they propose to you, especially if the person is fairly young. It is a fact that the more marriages a person has under their belt, the less likely the next one won’t just turn out like all the others.

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